I'm Tired

I’m Tired

A word that is commonly used to describe my attitude or outlook upon life is “tired”. Just this morning, in the breakfast line I was told to wake up by the lunch lady. “OK,” I said as a smile ran away from my face. I guess I must have been sleep walking sense I wasn’t awake. I basically have an attitude or certain persona about me that gives off the impression that I am tired, zoned out, in another world. Something along those lines. When there are no intoxications flowing about my circulatory system, I have still been known to give off the affect that I am high. Interesting. I’m just tired though, or just act that way. I’m not really sure at this point. There are many reasons like the one I just gave you about being high without being high that set the stage for my “tired” personality.

In high school I use to wake up about the time that my dad did for work. I left about three minutes in between waking up and going up stairs to face the music. So naturally I’m still feeling a little groggy from six hours of sleep achieved. No one ever seems to work in the eight or so hours of sleep recommended by doctors. But, I am awake mind you. By facing the music, I mean facing my dad. Literally in fact. There he’d be, whistling, singing, asking me a bunch of questions. “Hey, wake up Chris,” he would say as he shuffled around with his “I am the boss” coffee mug in one hand. “Got any tests to take for me today at school?” Sometimes I wouldn’t even answer. It’s almost as if morning and night people are creatures of entirely different worlds. One embraces the day while the other condemns it, waiting until nightfall. It is funny though when my dad tells me to wake up while I am partaking in a bowl of cheerios. Most people that I know get woken up in their beds. I on the other hand wake up somewhere wondering in the kitchen. Again my tired attributes are showcased in the morning because I just want to go back to sleep. I need more motivation to want to wake up and stay attentive. Learning about amino acids and the endoplasmic reticulum really doesn’t give me the proper drive necessary to embrace the day. But there are still more reasons why I am tired I guess.

You don’t know how many times I have been asked if I was und the influence of marijuana. I was at a library and two girls asked if I had any weed on me. You would think people would go some place besides the library to seek their drugs. People are always telling me, “Hey Chris, before I knew you, well, I thought you were always stoned.” No, sorry, that’s just my quality of being able to deceive you as constantly being stoned. Hmmmmm, I wonder if I could somehow use these false pretenses to my advantage. Probably not. One of my friend’s mom even told me that she was constantly wondering whether or not I was showing up at her house to play guitar high. Drugs, sex and rock and roll baby. I act spaced out though not because I am a pot head, but because I have that tired personality. Tired is more than just suffering from lack of sleep for me. It’s a state of mind.

Moving right along. I have been given that tired attribute time in and time out because I don’t fully engage myself in everyday, polite, typical, conversation. Its not my fortai (I can’t spell this word. I believe its French in origin though if that helps anyone.) It is not as though I am too tired though or lazy by any means. I just feel that many conversations between people are pointless. The typical “how are you?” greetings and “I’m good” responses make me grow tired not lack of sleep. I simply choose to try not to engage in these conversations even though they are basically inescapable and part of everyday life. Or maybe it’s just because I lack anything interesting or worthwhile to say.

All in all I think that the tired attribute is more of an outward appearance then an inward one. I mean I’m constantly engaging myself in activities like soccer, skiing, and what have you. I don’t wish to be a sloth by any means. It is not as though my couch is molded to the precise measurements and weight of my butt. There’s not a fortress of potato chips in between the cushions. Tired is but a state of mind for me. An outlook on life if you will. I don’t think that it is something I can run away from by getting more sleep or by drinking V8’s. So maybe the lunch lady is right. Maybe I do need to wake up. Wake up, from this endless sleep.